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How to keep it together...
...when unemployment freaks you out
[Disclaimer: The following should not be construed as professional advice. If you suffer from panic attacks or severe anxiety, please seek professional help. If you are having thoughts of suicide, don't read this post! Go here or call 1-800-273-TALK (8255) IMMEDIATELY.]
I don't want to seem like some kind of know-it-all. The stress and tragedy (so much of it internal) of being unemployed ties me in knots every single day. That being said, I am an old pro at this joblessness thing, having been in various states of it for the past 2.5 years and also having endured it during the recession of the early 1990s, when I was a strapping young buck fresh out of college.
Back on topic: If you are unemployed, you know exactly what I'm talking about when I say "unemployment freaks you out." Unemployment is more of a destroyer than a builder. It will (I don't care what anyone tries to tell you -- it will) erode your self-esteem, chip away at your marriage, and drive you a little batty in a thousand different ways. Joblessness is a many-pronged threat to your well being. It comes at you from every direction and rears its ugly head where you least expect to see it. You can end up driving around aimlessly, thoughts racing through your head, most of them not very pleasant.
Everyone will tell you to stay busy. I've said it myself. Everyone will tell you to work your network. You'll get all kinds of advice on being thrifty. You might have undertaken an exercise regimen and done everything right. At the end of the day, though, when you look at your face in the mirror after brushing your teeth, you still see that same unemployed loser, a little bit older. It can't be escaped.
The most difficult struggle is the one that happens in your head and in your heart, the one that may not be visible to those around you, even if you tell them about it. Even other unemployed people will not fully recognize your personal unemployment demons. It's different for everybody. We are complex creatures.
Here is what I do know: Taking a few deep breaths or a walk can't hurt.
I was never prone to panic attacks until I became unemployed. (I actually considered suing one of my former employers over this since they wrongfully terminated me, scarring me for life.) Now anxiety ambushes me on the regular. I hyperventilate. My muscles tighten. My chest hurts. I completely freak out. My thoughts go something like this:
What if I get old and sick, and I'm poor and alone on top of it! What if I have a heart attack and die right now? What if other people see me in the same light as I see myself? What if they think I'm even more pathetic than I think I am? What if they don't think about me at all? What if I really am just a brain in a jar having all this beamed into me by a mad scientist with a sadistic streak? (No no. That's ridiculous.) What if I never get a real job?
That's my thing. Your thing is probably different.
I find that if I sit down, keep my back straight, close my eyes, and take a few breaths, it goes away. A brisk walk vanquishes the panic monster, too. But that's only half the battle.
Once you've got the panic under control, you have to do something so that it won't come back. This is the "stay busy" thing that everybody tells you. It's much easier said than done because sometimes it seems there's just not that much with which to occupy oneself constructively when one is unemployed. Make a to-do list! Unless every item on it is crossed off, you have no excuse to sit around in a paralyzing panic. If every item on your list has been accomplished. Go to the park and fly a kite or something, and don't feel the least bit guilty about it.
That's the best advice I can give you on that subject. Good luck.
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By the way, I have found this to be helpful. It's a great value -- much cheaper than therapy.
(That link is an affiliate link -- I stand to gain financially if you purchase through that link. I do stand behind the product. Hypnosis can work wonders.)
- Unemployment Topics:
Comments
Minimize the damage
My View to maybe not remove, but at least manage and minimize the damage- loss of a job
Diagnose your problem- Is it depression (your head feels like it's chock full of sand ?)
Running out of Money? The taught of "what if"? Loss of Medical benefits? The future is and looks grim? Too much time on your hands? I'll never get a good company job like the last one ever again? I miss the people I worked with? Feeling of rejection? Maybe all of these.
Once you defined your problem get a plan. Everyday work to minimize the lever it is at now.
Depression can be mental and physical. Alcohol is a depressant- not at the time but will chip away at you -especially in the mornings. Can you get to a facility to work out everyday? Take long fast paced walks everyday (or run) to take away some emotional stress. Fresh air is good. Walk with a friend and talk things out- good support!! Getting into shape makes you feel more marketable and feel better.
Rejection goes hand and hand with any loss regarding something that you once had and was taken from you – like fiends or work, this hurts your feelings when these things are removed and disturbed .
If you have any real or good friends talk once in a while real friends will listen comfort you-(don't burn them out or over load them).
If you have any medical benefits left time wise -use them. Perhaps antidepressant Meds can be obtained if you feel that this will help you.
Don't jump to concussions. Live day to day for now. No one has a crystal ball ,so the “big job” you want may still come your way.
Work and no money: Take a job, even if it is out of your experience if you can this will perhaps pay the bills and maybe get you some benefits. You may have to relocate to some where the work is (make sure the job is very stable first) Change is good. There are lots of ways to make money on the Internet. I have some things I can do( not what I want to), but I will at least feel better doing something. keep looking for the real job too. Have a huge garage $ sale $.
The future is, and looks grim? The sooner you can implement a plan you will feel that the future is controllable and not so bad.. The economy will return because all the stimulus packages set forth will reverse the paths we are in ,and things will open up. Historically they always have.
Make a full time job looking for a job. This will take time away, make you feel better or at least you are trying, this is hard work but may get you a job, it could get you that “real job” too. I usually don't miss the people I worked with as I was a field tech so never had an office ( no Christmas parties either) So unless you were friends ,then you may want to keep up with them. Networking and connections are always needed.
So as this awkward position you are in is chipping away at you -chip away at the elements that are in your way - minimize or reduce some of the situation , each day you can least make it tolerable.
This even helped me writing this.- mark ( lazerpete@hotmail.com )
Make your own job
I am still in awe of Learning My Lessons' comment about "cutting out the middleman." That's exactly what an employer is: a middleman. If I have skills and I work hard, I can make money. I don't need a job.
All your other advice is good, but I think looking for a job full time is a sucker's game. There aren't many jobs out there right now.
Keep moving and hustling. That's how you win the game, employed or not.
When life hands you sh*t, make fertilizer.
Practicing what I preach (speaking of "freak out")
Was certified massage therapy tech from 2000 thru 2005, but let my certification expire when in grad school - could not bear to juggle work + school + one more thing at a point. But now... things are different. To decide whether I can commit to catching up continuing education units (CEUs) I need for professional recertification, I signed up for my first all-day seminar since 2005 to see what happens. No matter what, good to chip away at CEUs and see how I hold up now, after deteriorating into full-time desk potato. MT is not bad freelance work - going rate here is approx $1 / minute - so the trick will be making it affordable and convenient to those who are working extra hard themselves. Shortie chair massage at higher volume (like at events or workplaces where carrying in portable chair is do-able) seems more marketable than holding out for 30-min or 1-hr table clients. For now, weighing out pros and cons, trying to do my homework, seeking input - by end of SAT, I'll have a whole new perspective on this idea...
I agree, went through the
I agree, went through the same feelings as well. What I chose to focus on was looking/getting another job.
I did that for months
Didn't work. Now I'm trying to focus on getting money.
When life hands you sh*t, make fertilizer.
Are you still unemployed?
I'm going nuts. Feel useless hopeless...really don't even want to get up anymore. Tried the plan/focus thing...now after 8 months...why bother...losing all hope. LOL...can you get SS disability for being useless?
I would say I'm underemployed and self-employed
I am busy with a couple of projects for clients. These will pay my bills next month. I don't miss going to work and dealing with politics and BS, but I do miss those steady paychecks.
As for you, please, DO NOT LOSE HOPE! I beg you. If you lose hope you lose everything.
If you're clever about it, you can get SSDI for being "useless," actually, but it marks you for life and really doesn't pay enough to make it worth it. I've known a couple of lazy hippies and counter-culture degenerates in my time who managed to get SSDI even though they were perfectly healthy from a physical standpoint. I find it sleazy and pathetic.
When life hands you sh*t, make fertilizer.
I Agree
I agree with it being sleazy and was just kidding. It's hard to keep your chin up after so long...which I'm sure you know! I worked for the same company for 24 years and my husband for 30 years...so we actually received a double whammy. Gotta love outsourcing. I just hope our government wakes up at some point and realizes that our total economy can't be based on paper pushing...bring the manufacturing back to the US!!
Manufacturing might make a comeback
In the next few years, I think we have a good chance to re-invigorate the manufacturing sector. The dollar is falling which will make American goods cheaper on world markets. We still have the best universities in the world and some of the best scientists and engineers, not to mention a vast wealth of skilled tradespeople hungry for work. America could produce the best products in the world if we put our minds to it. Other big countries where the economy is growing (Brazil, China, India) represent huge markets. Quality always sells, and America can produce quality.
One of the smarter capitalists (paging Warren Buffett) will see this opportunity before too long and cash in on it big time.
The problem is, though, that it all depends on the world of high finance. If those guys make the investments, the economy will recover faster than you can say, "Solar panels on every roof and high-speed rail to every city." If they keep jerking around with the derivatives games that they're playing, they'll keep collecting their bonuses and the rest of us will keep getting hosed.
If only we had some politicians who had the guts to stand up to these guys and force them to earn honest money through real investment instead of fake money from crazy schemes and government printing presses.
When life hands you sh*t, make fertilizer.
Economic domino effect
Outsourcing and off-shoring are tough to compete against. I was in IT for 24 years. My last position was managing teams in India and China, until my employer felt that those guys could take the ball and run without me. I originally declined the job out of principle, but later reversed myself. I came to the conclusion that outsourcing was inevitable and I wanted to keep supporting my family in the manner they were used to (short sighted on my part). I've been out of work for 10 months and have spent my time taking technical training courses, college classes, trying to start several business ventures, and of course applying for a plethora of jobs related to IT.
What I have gleaned from the media is that we need to innovate our way back into employment and prosperity...but something just doesn't seem to make sense about our economy. Hopefully I can write something coherent:
If professions and jobs were dominoes, as demand increases for those service and products more dominoes are setup, and new streams of dominoes are created by other industries supporting the new workforces. As time goes by, industries falter and those dominoes fall and probably take some of the downstream dominoes with them. The displaced workforce needs to find growing streams elsewhere or create their own new stream. And so the economy rolls on, some streams growing or being created, some falling down. Today it seems as though many streams are being knocked over or truncated all at once, and the newly created streams are not keeping up with the pace that dominoes are being knocked down. So this is cyclic, what's the problem? For the economic cycle to perpetuate, new domino streams need to have a lifespan and growth that matches (or exceeds) the rate that streams are being knocked down. That is crux of the problem, new innovations are not growing here in the US. The concepts may be born here, but the staffing, manufacturing and proliferation of the economic forces are being moved over seas at much faster rate. How do we innovate/compete against cheaper labor and manufacturing?
That's a good way of visualizing it
The problem is that not enough dominoes are being set up. Dominoes always fall -- it's the nature of capitalism. New, better dominoes are supposed to take their place. I guess those dominoes are in India and China now. Did you hear that China's new supercomputer is 1.4 times faster than our best? It's pretty shocking.
We innovate and compete against cheaper labor and manufacturing in two or three ways:
1) Efficiency -- get more work for less energy
2) Quality -- produce better products that command higher prices
3) Social Investment -- invest in the infrastructure needed to maintain a great civilization, including human infrastructure (education). This, more than cheap labor, is how we fell behind. While the Chinese and Koreans were making huge investments in the greater good of their societies, we were giving away the farm to the very richest, letting everything go to pot.
Thanks for your post.
When life hands you sh*t, make fertilizer.
BTW...
I don't miss the politics and BS either. I'm glad you at least have some projects to keep you focused and going financially. Best wishes!
LOL...SSD for being
LOL...SSD for being useless...LOL
thank you for that
surviving the economy
When i lost my job, I learned to cope real fast. i have ideas for you. i just wrote a book to help others cope with stress and worry and the challenges of finding employment or coming up with a new business idea. the title of my book is 'Prepare For Your Success' and it is to help anyone who is either employed and wants more, self employed, college educated or not to come up with new ideas for this economy and it has a strong motivational piece to help you cope with the disappointments of failure. i guarantee you will be able to get some very useful information from the book that wil help you grow in this economy or any economy check it out at www [dot]PrepareForYourSuccess[dot]com
First - thanks Chuck. I found
First - thanks Chuck. I found your site about the unemployed and depression and mostly knowing that other people were in the same boat as me made me feel 1) not alone and 2) better that there are others out there.
I'm in my 30s and had worked several high end jobs making anywhere from 45k to 60k -being alone that was good money for me. I was "laid off" in May 2010 through no fault of my own. The non profit was having lots of problems and I along with 100 others were laid off.
I lost my apartment and moved in with my mom who is a functioning alcoholic. It was bad enough seeing her passed out night after night but then her room mate starting bringing home guys and the fall out happened and my mom choose the room mate over me. So now I'm living with a friend.
The worse part is I see all my past mistakes and wish I had made different choices in my work life years ago. But if I did go back -who's to say I might have done the same exact thing.
I'm also mad at myself because in the 5 months I have been unemployed I have had close to 10 interviews and was offered a part time job and a full time job.
The part time job I didn't take because it was part time. The full time job I should have taken but it only paid 36k. I'm so angry with myself. I keep thinking over and over again how I wish I had taken it -but that's just torture.
So now I have no job, no home, no family to spend Thanksgiving with and consumed with feelings of anger and sometimes depression.
I do have a core of friends that are kind and caring but this hell that I live in day in and day it is pure torture.
Every job I apply to I hope this will be the one. This job will give me back my self worth, my apartment, my sense of belonging to something and contributing to the world.
For now, I check all the job ads, I apply and I wait.
Hang in there.
Your situation sounds really tough, but aren't they all. If you've gone back through the rabbit hole of this blog, you know that my wife, frustrated with my inability to land a job, bailed on me, leaving me with bills and no income at all.
Well, I hustled my ass off, and things have turned out OK. I've got a great job now, and the little lady even decided to share her bed (and bills) with me again.
It does get better. Keep plugging, and remain grateful for what you do have, i.e., your health and your circle of friends. Unemployment is a special level of Hell. It sucks. It's temporary, though.
When life hands you sh*t, make fertilizer.
Young, unemployed and hopeless
Hi everyone,
My story is a little different than most that I have read on here. I'm 25 and completed my M.S. degree in Industrial/Organizational Psychology in May of this year. While at school I was told the best way to go would be to work in a lab and conduct research, which I did (I even managed the lab conducting research for a high profile organization for two years). I also took the only internship that was available to me last year (all the companies that traditionally offered internships to our students were on a hiring freeze) in training and development. And I graduated at the top of my class with distinction.
I have been unemployed ever since graduation. I've done everything that people say to do, I've worked my network, contacted my professors multiple times for internships or job opportunities, applied to 100's of jobs, followed up, and nothing. I am so depressed. It seems like every job I apply for in HR or otherwise requires 5-6 years of experience (which I don't have). I even applied for really entry level jobs making less than I made at my internships and I haven't been able to get a single call back. I spoke to a recruiter who told me they couldn't help me because every company wants someone with experience and apparently my degree and my internship count for nothing.
I don't have any family to support me. Luckily I'm not really in debt from student loans, but I don't know what to do. I feel like a complete failure and I don't know what to do, or where to start to re-build my life. I feel sometimes as though if I take a job as a secretary (even though I can't even get a call back for that) that I will completely invalidate my degree. Its hard for me to get out of bed most days now. I'm embarrassed and hopeless.
Cece
Listen Cece
There is nothing wrong with taking a job as a secretary (if you can get one). It won't invalidate your degree and could be a foot in the door. The thing about your degree is this: It's not the classes you took that give it power. It's not your graduating with distinction (congrats on that, but...) that gives it power. What gives it power is that you pushed through and saw it to completion. You probably learned a thing or two along the way, the most important being how to think.
If you know how to think, you can think your way out of any problem. That's what any employer wants you to do: solve problems.
Do not -- repeat, DO NOT -- feel embarrassed and hopeless. I know exactly how that feels and it leads nowhere good. Buck up, leap out of bed in the morning, and do productive stuff, whatever that may be. You're smart. You'll figure out plenty of constructive ways to keep yourself occupied. Everything changed for me when my attitude changed and I said to myself, "Fuck it. I'm just going to stay busy and see what shakes out." Just throw enough lines in the water, bait them properly, and something will bite eventually; I guaranVanDamtee it.
Good luck to you, my young compatriot. You'll be just fine.
When life hands you sh*t, make fertilizer.
just work
Have to agree. Never for a second did I expect to find myself fruit-picking because I needed the money. Its a lot harder than it looks but an experience that I enjoyed. At 56 I thought Id be the oldest person there but no way! There were men and women there that could give me 20 years and still keeping up with the younger ones.
No job is about money alone. Being productive even when the job sucks makes a difference to your own self esteem and that makes a difference when the preferred job comes along.
I am back in my normal work now. Its not perfect but it gets me closer to where I want to be.
Hard to see the wood for the trees.
Hmmm,
well I feel the suffering unemployment brings. What a complete waste of talented, employable people we have going on now! It is a total disgrace!
With the job market, well I graduated in December 2008 with a Bachelors in Politics and International Relations, then things went the wrong way. Been struggling to find work since, thought I would ace the government agency tests but I was going for it for the job security as the main objective. Since then I have been volunteering on a flexible basis with three charities.I write them up as unpaid internships on my CV to fill the CV gap. I have applied for many many jobs and sometimes lose count of what I am applying for. Being flexible is the way forward.But alas, nothing is happening so far. I go to networking events and try the schmoozing approach. Even then for starting jobs they want Masters this or that. I cannot afford a Masters degree with the debt I have from studying.
I get rejections for office work because I have no experience yet demonstrate the intelligence to start doing that work, thus what is the problem here? I try to go for internships yet find they want experience, well why the fuck do they think I am going for this internship? To lick envelopes all the time or to get something substantive like experience?!
It has been very frustrating trying to get anywhere and I absolutely hate being on unemployment support. I have always had a get up and go mentality. Recently my self-esteem is taking too many knockbacks. If no job now, why not? I have no decent answer to that question.
Even applying for the blue chip company graduate schemes is hyper-competitive,so how to be distinctive during this process?
During my college time I was part of the Model UN society,worked on my college newspaper as Science and Technology Editor and was an e-mentor to first year students as well as on the college editorial board.
Now, I am just fed up with all of it. I think you will find in the UK, it is really bad for many new grads. Some of classmates are struggling to get anywhere after taking Masters degrees. A few even regret studying the wrong course for them.
So now,I apply for jobs I do not really want out of desperation to show the JC I am still at it. I am kind of lost as to what the hell to do now. Maybe my CV needs more work,maybe the duration of my unemployment is too long, perhaps I am overqualified, perhaps underqualified.
Whatever the reason I have been close to exploding with fury so many times then I just think the mantra, "Fuck it it is not worth the emotional turmoil!"
Well now rant over, thanks Chuck for this forum of support, works well to vent. I have a bit more to add here so bear with me.
Thanks
This part is good:
Can definitely relate to that one...
Look at the bright side: You're still young and have your whole life ahead of you. Eventually things will turn around and you'll probably still be pretty young at that point.
Good luck with the government jobs. That is the way to go these days. If you can get in, you're basically set. You'll never get rich, but you can lead a decent life.
When life hands you sh*t, make fertilizer.