She's been out for a couple hours and already I feel like something important is missing from my life. I expect this feeling to grow over the coming days and weeks.

One thing that worked out well for me is that I got to keep the nice Italian leather living room set. The movers couldn't fit it in her new apartment -- door was too small. She had to pay extra money for them to bring it back to me which kind of sucks. I told her to measure the door, remembering how difficult it was to get the stuff in our my over-sized (by NY standards) door. Just one of many things she didn't consider when she made this decision.

The whole thing has been strangely amicable which makes it confusing. If we hated each other, it would be clear, but we don't and it isn't. This is just confusing to me at this point.

All I can do is focus on getting my own sh*t together. Maybe she'll focus on getting her sh*t together (once she realizes that it's not together and that I'm not the source of her every woe), and we can repair this thing. One thing I'm pretty sure of is that I won't be able to get back together with her if I work on myself and she continues to be so terrified of her issues. Selfish as it sounds, there is no way I'm compromising my well-being just to be with her, much as I love her.

Everything is so complicated and uncertain where it used to be simple and predictable. I have no idea where I'll be a year from now. It's kind of exciting because I could end up anywhere in the world, plying any of a dozen trades. Maybe I'll be teaching English in Brazil next year. Maybe I'll be touring around Eastern Europe, picking up a few bucks here and there as a stringer. Maybe I'll stay in New York and grow my business. Maybe I'll head upstate and find a patch of dirt to farm. Who the hell knows? Not me. That's for damn sure. I'm just gonna keep my eyes open and my "Go Bag" at the ready.

Unemployment was a big factor in this but not the only one.