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Searching For Lost Change
Free money can be found anywhere people take their hands out of their pockets or purses. An errant quarter springs from the pocket while retrieving car keys. The rush to find exact change in a coin purse causes a few pennies to spill onto the floor.
Human beings, particularly those with steady employment, are incredibly lazy and the mere thought of reaching down for a dropped nickel is itself tiring. Your willingness to bend your back, extend your arms and pick up the abandoned change could become a mildly lucrative revenue stream.
Good places include under and around:
1. Vending machines and arcade games
2. Parking Meters
3. Salvation Army donation tins
4. Curbs where cars are parked
5. Cashier counter at shops and restaurants
6. Drive-thru windows
7. Stamp machines at post offices
8. Mobile food retailers (hot dog stands, taco trucks, espresso carts, etc.)
9. Roller coasters that turn upside down.
10. At the entrance to buildings where people take out their keys.
Now if you are willing to throw your dignity completely to the wolves, you can also try:
1. Wishing wells/fountains
2. Between the cushions of couches placed on the curb
3. Purses and clothing pockets at garage sales
4. The sticky floor of your neighborhood peep booth.
If you're willing to try those, then you probably won't mind searching for loose change in the ball pit at your local Chuckecheese or fast food play-area. Spoiled children, fat on cotton candy and corn dogs tend to lose change while playing in the ball pit. The challenge is entering the pit yourself, nonchalantly, without attracting notice, and snorkeling for dimes and pennies without someone mistaking you for a pedophile. Good luck!
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Comments
Excellent!
Excellent satire! It's more flattering than you will ever know. Also inspirational. Though these effects were undoubtedly unintentional, I thank you nonetheless.
I'm stickying it to the top for a while.
All the good people who are trying hard to find a job and survive -- please take note.
It will be so fun to re-read this. I have saved a local copy just in case the original poster decides that they want to remove it.
When life hands you sh*t, make fertilizer.
Well, I don't expect to hear from you 'til Monday, but...
... just wanted to remind the irony/satire-impaired that the reason the above post is so damn funny is that free money is a bald absurdity.
You earn every dime, including the one you fish out of the gutter.
What it's really all about is the efficient expenditure of energy. Is your energy better used picking a dime off the ground or an apple off the tree? If there is no apple but there is a dime, take the dime -- and vice versa. If, as usual, both are available, I would advise taking the apple but it's up to you. If it's an apple or a Benjamin, take the bill. That's what I would say, anyway, at least for now. Three years from now I might give you a different answer if things keep heading downhill for the greenback.
When life hands you sh*t, make fertilizer.