thanks for being here.
Well I do not want to go into too much detail here, but what you have said seems to fit me to a T. However my situation is a little different than most on here. 8 years ago I left by choice my low paying job, to follow my husband across the country. He is mil. so we have had 6 new addresses and most of my old contacts only have a distant memory of me. So I have 6 years of planning experience and next to no references. I have been actively looking for work for nearly a year. During that year I did some direct sales, took up too much time and tons of volunteering (active member of the community stuff. However I am hitting a low point where I am not getting any calls, last ones I got were last month. I have hit the employers websites daily as well as the general job search site.
I have even tried to go for jobs well below my skill set. I do not like doing this because I start to really feel sorry for myself when after spending hours doing the skills tests only to be almost laughed at when they see my resume and told I am way too overqualified.
I want to go back to school but am fearful that I will only end up more in debt than we already are. I know that tomorrow is another day but still. I know I am losing a little bit of myself everyday. Not in a bad way, just not a good way. Just like you said if I get hired I will no longer feel this way. I have not felt this way while staying home with my kids was my choice, just while I am getting the tons of rejection emails.
I am also becoming a bit bitter about things, like today. When I got what looked to be a good lead on to find out they were looking for more students in their education programs. I am still not sure of the link, because if I am looking for work that means I surely do not have the money to spend on education, right.
BTW when I read the article "unemployed and depressed, its normal" I read that you were talking about your circumstances and that you know that you are not in the need of medication. Not that everyone who is depressed does not need medication. I have told my hubby a few times I am not depressed but situationaly depressed meaning as soon as the need for me to get hired disappears the depression will too. I can still function, it just takes more effort than it used to before I started looking for work. Well wishing everyone good luck for the day ahead of us.
Fish
It help to hear I am not the only idiot that left a paying job by choice and now regretting. Today the college kept calling (three times). I have told them again and again that until I get a job I can not start school. The sad thing was that I every time got my hopes up high that it was someone calling for a job. Tonight I hit an all time low and actually cried in front of my hubby. It just really sucks to have just gotten his pay and bought groceries and not to have anything left over. This just really sucks. Well it is bedtime and hubby is studying and needs to get up to get to work. I need to get a good nights sleep so this situation doesn't eat me alive. All I need now is an airline to call and a good nights sleep. Well I will settle for one out of the two. Night All.
Hi,
Hope things go better for you.
Today I called a suicide prevention hotline for the first time. The counselor suggested finding a forum for unemployed people, and I found it here.
I got a college degree six months ago and have been steadily and diligently looking for a job since then. I have been a dedicated volunteer and have earned a good reference, but have just now hit a wall. I feel hopeless. I have issues with my sons and some family members.
It's terrible in a way that I feel better seeing there are people out there who feel as overwhelmed to hopeless as I do. I am sick to death of people telling me to "keep looking" and "stay optimistic." I'll keep applying, but I want to tell people to shut up about "staying optimistic." It's hard. It's debilitating to be unemployed for so long.
I hope things pick up for you.
Yes, it is debilitating to be unemployed for an extended period of time. Hate to tell you this, but you're still a newbie at six months. Optimism would be sorely misplaced, but that does not mean that you should lose hope.
The economy has changed irrevocably. It will never be like it was before. Operate from the assumption that you will not be able to find a job. Look for a job, of course, but don't expect to find one.
Sounds pretty hopeless, right?
Not really. We're just going to have to adapt to these new circumstances. In the next 10-20 years, it will be about "who you know" in a different sort of way. We will need to work together and form closer community ties. This will not be a bad thing, but it will be different. Change is always traumatic.
Please check back in from time to time and let us know how things are going for you. Don't kill yourself. You will adapt, and life will get better. I guarantee it.
You are definitely not alone. I know it is tough to be in the situation you find yourself in. I am a college graduate with several years of work experience and I found myself unemployed for an extended period time recently. I felt useless and hopeless and defined myself by my employment status. I searched the web for anything(one) that I could talk to that was going through the same pain. I found this site and read each and every post believe it or not the first time I signed on. I signed in frequently from that day forward and even penned a few posts myself. This site is not the magic cure-all but it does help you in several ways-one of which you write about- that there is comfort in numbers-even if you wish you were not a part of this group. And if you follow enough posts through you can see the transition that some people take(myself included) from helpless to hopeful. You pick up some nuggets along the way to help you cope. I learned so much about myself during the rough patch that caught up in the daily rat race of corporate America I might never have known. I was forced to examine my life and my path in it. I found, as you will, qualities in myself that I never really had to call upon until I was forced to. One of which is that situations are temporary- they either get better or worse- and that I can't control every aspect but I can do a pretty damn good job of what I can control. I also became very aware of how my interactions with other people set a tone for the day and it was up to me to make sure that my actions and reactions were positive ones. I also allowed myself to silently curse those who told me to "keep my chin up" and "not to worry". I held some pretty good revenge fantasies too. I also learned to "chunk" my time into small manageable slices- one hour, half a day etc. and knew that for that time I would stay positive and try not to dwell. It was not easy-and at times-several times- I kept thinking why am I even bothering. And as fast as those thoughts would enter in my head- I tried as best as I could to deal with them and spin them to the positive. I am working now, I am surviving, I am contributing the best way I know how. Please know that this is a temporary situation no matter how long it may take. Do some research, do a lot of research- find programs that are available to you. Find real time unemployment support groups. The discussions are helpful in that they are not all about the job search but also how to stay connected socially and how to do things just for fun-as that should be an integral part of this whole thing too.
You need to constantly challenge yourself and develop different coping mechanisms. Maybe have a session or two of therapy- there are a lot of places you can go that have a sliding scale. Be kind to youself because you are worth it. You have a responsibilty to yourself to see this thing through. Giving up is not an option. Find your passion. Allow yourself a pity session or two or three- but limit it. You have a lot to offer- you just need to see it. Look how much you inspired me to write.
~Cindy
In 2002 I moved back to the U.S. after a five-year stint in South Korea. I can relate to much of what you're saying about references and the difficulty of finding a job when your resume doesn't fit neatly in the box -- and times were better then! Can't imagine what it must be like out there now for somebody who hasn't spent a number of years working in the same job.
The hardest part for me was that I kept kicking myself for returning to the U.S. I earned a Master's degree at one of the top schools in Asia, had developed a professional reputation, was doing interesting work, publishing, earning decent money -- why did I leave all that to come back to the U.S. to be treated as if I were some kind of miscreant by utterly clueless 24-year-old HR robots?
Eventually I did find my groove and always managed to pay my bills, but that period created a lot of bitterness.
But enough about me. You said:
"I know I am losing a little bit of myself everyday. Not in a bad way, just not a good way."
That jumped out at me. Go with that. Let go of the old you and build a new you. One of the only good things about unemployment is that it gives you a chance to reinvent yourself.
Good luck to you and stop back any time.
When life hands you sh*t, make fertilizer.