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Social Life?
Mon, 07/26/2010 - 07:55
Struggling to pay our bills and eat pretty much squashes any social activities. It's just as difficult to face friends with NO GOOD NEWS as it is for them to face you with those sympathetic eyes.
Mon, 08/02/2010 - 01:38
#2
For me, it's hard to force
For me, it's hard to force myself to stay social. My Unemployment Emotional Hodgepodge has me feeling isolated, which leads to more depression, which leads to more isolation.
My brain knows that getting "out there" and keeping up with my friends would be good medicine, but I just can't force myself to do it... not as much as I should, anyway. Even talking on the phone and catching up on personal emails is a chore these days.
Mon, 08/02/2010 - 15:15
#3
Key point to surviving
Get out of your comfort zone. Do things you don't like to do.
Wed, 08/11/2010 - 10:29
#4
I'm with you
I find I do not answer my phone if the caller ID has certain callers. I am just so tired of saying "no, I have not heard anything".
I also find I do not even tell people when I have an interview (which is rare) because then I get calls or emails every day after wards asking "have you heard back?".
Makes me feel worse about my situation.
Wed, 08/11/2010 - 16:17
#5
I know what you mean!
It's a Catch-22: I want to be open with those who are closest to me... and I know they mean well... but I also don't want to feel hounded for good news when I have none.
I also hate to admit this because it seems a little bitchy, but I'm at the point now where every time I'm asked if I've had any success with my job search, my knee-jerk reaction is "NOOO... Don't you think I would have f*#king MENTIONED THAT by now?!" (That's internal, by the way. On the outside, I act like they haven't just asked me the most clueless, painfully obvious question for the umpteeth time.)
Tue, 08/24/2010 - 15:09
#6
stupid question #437
Ms Nomer--- what about
Them: "So, have you found a job yet?"
Me: "No, not yet"
Them: " Are you still looking?"
Me: "WTF is wrong with you? Yes, sure I stopped looking and my bills have miraculously disappeared and I get an anonymous check in the mail. Ass-Hat"
Ok-- the last part is just inside my head. I usually do not even respond.
Tue, 08/24/2010 - 15:31
#7
How I handle the envitiable question
I find that when I talk to those who I know ask the question "have you heard back about xyz job" I answer the question before it is asked. After doing these about 3-5 times people stop asking and realize that you will let them know when you have good news. I know this may seem rude but trust me it works.
Tue, 08/24/2010 - 17:10
#8
Questions ??? Got to love um !
The enviable question ,, Thus is the question of all questions .
The one about the parting of the Red seas?
Was it the chicken or the egg ?
Could it be the once American Dream ?
Lets all take a good look at the grand interviews of past days .
30 years experience in the field of your expertise.. No no way to many they may have to pay money. ( not gum.)
5 years experience No No way to little not enough time .
Collage degree in every other subject but the one you need but unable to find the right one, for there is not one .
Lets look at the job market today shall we.
Hummmmm Yes here,s one ! A job in the health care field ahhhh now the one under that posting a job in the fast food industry , now there we go ..Ahhh as we read on we see that's the choice,or better yet lets all go back to school take out thousands of dollars in student loans to get that six figure job when we graduate into a world where there is no jobs to be had ..Owing loans we cant pay back now does that sound like the mortgage company,s giving loans to people who can,t pay them eather.
So again what may that enviable question be ?
Could it be recession ,, double dip ,, Hummm Lets think .
Tue, 08/24/2010 - 22:03
#9
Yeah, that once upon a time
Yeah, that once upon a time American dream.
I guess I'm getting to the point where I don't even want to tell people if I have an interview. I just say things are fine when people ask, although once in a while I do say I am stressed out.
I know people aren't trying to be inappropriate when they ask this question. I guess they just want to know if anything is new. I don't let it get to me. In this economy, it's quite normal to not have a job, and especially considering so many of ours have been outsourced. Times are tough.
I do confess I feel bad when I have to tell someone I can only do Mickey D's for dinner, but they aren't paying my bills and if they reject me because of this, oh well. In tough times one finds out who one's real friends are.
Tue, 08/24/2010 - 22:55
#10
Another silver lining
In tough times one finds out who one's real friends are.
Amen to that. Better still, you can forge very strong ties in times like these. Nothing like having each other's backs to cement a relationship...
Remember 9/11 and how people came together? This "recession" doesn't have the cinematic appeal and outright shock of that experience, but it's just as devastating if not more. People are starting to "get it," I believe. We can pull through this if only we appeal to the better angels of our nature and help each other out. If cooler heads prevail, this too shall pass, and it will lead to something better.
I know what you mean about the questions, too. I blogged about it a long time ago.
I hope one of those interviews pans out for you.
Tue, 08/24/2010 - 23:31
#11
Thanks so much, Chuck. And
Thanks so much, Chuck. And thanks so much for this site. I belong to another forum for unemployed people and have come across some very heart wrenching stories that have brought me to tears. But I've also witnessed the goodness in humanity on a remarkable level.
One story was that of a guy who was suicidal and afraid to sleep in the woods yet another night. If you can believe it, people in the forum tracked him down at a Library in that city, called the police, he was taken to the hospital for much needed care, and a COMPLETE stranger on that site drove two hours to pick him up on his release and welcomed him into her two bedroom trailer, setting up a make-shift BR of his own in their dining room. And both this woman and her husband are unemployed!
On a tragic note one of the members was living in his van with his sick wife and disabled son living in the Red Cross Shelter. He was 60 years old and walked for miles to apply at Wendy's and McDonald's, only to be told he was too old. Sadly, he took a gun to his head. This story made it to the Ed Schultz show (a staunch advocate for the long term unemployed).
I tell ya, this whole experience is humbling, riveting and tragic. At times I think I should not be on these sites at all and just have tunnel vision, but one thing I've discovered about THIS site is you have excellent suggestions as to what to do and how to cope.
Oh, and sorry I digressed so much. It's just with your 911 comment...well, it just reminds me of these stories. We truly DO need to stick together in these tough times.
Wed, 08/25/2010 - 11:01
#12
Just typing it out
Just writing how I feel on this site is helpful. Thank you.
I looked for a Meetup group in my area for 'moral' support. I found 1. Only 1. I went to the meeting and this guy hassled me about where I put my purse, when I explained my industry and what I was looking for I got "and you can't find job?" , and the moderator who is an unemployed secretary (not bashing secretaries) told me I should NOT put in my summary on my resume that I have a 4.0 in my Masters program that I am currently working on. "No one cares".
Needless to say-- I won't be back to THAT group.
Wed, 08/25/2010 - 11:56
#13
Hmmm, does not sound like
Hmmm, does not sound like much of a moral support group there, does it.
I'm astounded that in this day and age there are not more support groups IRL for the unemployed. When I first moved to this city of 6 million there was one excellent group and this was back in 2003/04 when there were jobs!
Now there is ONE meetup here too on Fridays at a coffee shop but they charge $5 for the meetup PLUS the coffee and, sorry, no can do. I think it's just not right to ask unemployed people to pay $5 to show up at a coffee shop for a meetup.
I run a meetup myself and pay all the fees myself as the organizer and wouldn't dream of passing them on and making money off of other people, and especially other people's misery!
Wed, 08/25/2010 - 13:33
#14
Hang In There
You have every right to boast about your 4.0 in a master's program. Find support where you can get it (like this site) and hang in there.
Wed, 08/25/2010 - 14:00
#15
Not a good way to put it
cag2010,
"No one cares."
Somebody might care. It doesn't take up much space on your resume and it is a notable accomplishment. I would say keep it in unless you have something better.
Keep it to one page, though. Search this site for "kick-ass resume" for my resume writing tips. I've written resumes that helped people get jobs they were completely unqualified to do... but never was able to get myself a job for which I was overqualified. Go figure.
Wed, 08/25/2010 - 20:43
#16
Strong to long
Depression is not a sign of weakness, it is just a sign that we have been strong for too long. ♥.
Thu, 08/26/2010 - 08:46
#17
Thanks
Thanks for everyone's comments of support. It helps!
To Chuck-- when you have over 30 years experience, having a 1 page resume is virtually impossible. I have been told many times by resume "experts" that as long as it is no more than 2 pages, it is good. Thanks for the tips though, it certainly does not hurt to re-fresh the darn thing every month or so. :-)
Thu, 08/26/2010 - 10:13
#18
In tough times one finds out who one's real friends are.
I found out that I had a lot of friends whose philosophy was "I will stick with you through thick and thin but when it gets too thick, I'm thinning out." No more front row for them. I put these people in the balcony of my life.
Freckles
Wed, 09/01/2010 - 23:28
#19
Thursday 9/2/10 12:25am EST
The bottom line is that no one owes you anything and while you are busy living, the people that are meant to be in your life will be there. Be independent and responsible for the outcome of your life and job search. People are drawn to "positive, can do" people, not depressed or feel sorry for me people. And yes, we all have our moments, but work on making those moments less. There are jobs out there, and we have to keep looking. Great site Chuck!
Fri, 03/11/2011 - 05:41
#20
Count Me In!
Like so many others before I too Googled "Unemployed and depressed" and found your site. I can't thank-you enough for making this site... finally I found a group of peers who can relate to the struggles that I've been going through. I really thought I was alone.
For starters, I've been unemployed for the past 3 years with a short stint last year at a bank - I regretfully walked out on it after 8 months because I realized 'selling' and the pressure that comes with it - just wasn't me. A year later now, roughly 200 resumes sent out and still no luck. I have had one unsuccessful telephone interview, and 2 face to face ones last summer and that was all. Lol, I recalled one interview where I showed up and there was literally 20+ other interviewees who were in line before me.
Depression has hit me at it's all time high, I wake up everyday asking myself "When will this end? When will I too, have a career and be financially stable like my friends?". I'm getting sick of logging onto Craigslist, Workopolis, JobBank, etc. 10 times daily with no call back from any employer. My mother has bent over backwards trying to help me out financially and guilt is eating away at me... I hardly go out with friends, I can only afford lower end diners, at times I barely have enough gas to make it to and from. At 26 I witness friends buying properties, moving out with their boyfriends, getting engaged, getting married, purchasing whatever it is they like whenever they want... The worst part is knowing I can't even feel genuinely happy for them because it makes me feel worse about my life whenever they have "good news". I cannot imagine doing any of those things when my credit is crap, my Visa and cell phone company calls me once a month (twice this week already) to see when I can pay my MINIMUM payment. A minimum amount that I don't have.
Friends try to be supportive telling me to just keep applying, that a job will come around... they even tried helping me revamp my resumes and cover letters - where IS that light at the end of the tunnel? It seems to have closed up on me a long time ago. I couldn't afford to invest in a hobby, yoga was great while it lasted but is out of my budget, I thought of going back to school but it is terrifying because I might end up still unemployed and $40,000+ in debt for that piece of paper. I've become good at avoiding shopping malls because I can't afford to shop.
First thing I do when I wake up everyday is to turn on my computer and start job hunting even before I wash my face. I'm embarassed to admit to my close ones that I am depressed because I know they'll just give me the same old words of encouragement, and no one wants to be around a broke pathetic complainer for long. Thank-you for hearing me out, and many, many thanks for this blog. I teared reading some of your stories... hugs to all and best of luck in this tough world.
- H
Fri, 03/11/2011 - 23:11
#21
It's temporary
Hey, Anonymous, just remember this: Things will change. Just as surely as the sun will rise in the east, things will change.
My advice would be to switch up your routine. Do something different. Believe in yourself.
By the way, comparing yourself to others is a sure path to misery even if you make a million dollars a year. There is always someone more successful. Just do what you do and be you. It will work out for you.
Best of luck...
Thu, 03/17/2011 - 11:32
#22
Hello out there....
Where is everyone? I look to this blog everyday, and it's been awhile since anyone has posted. Don't tell me you've all found jobs already, and have left me here all by my unemployed lonesome.
I have been unemployed for a few months, and I know that that's nothing compared to some who've been unemployed for a few years. I found this blog by also googling unemployed and depressed, and it's been getting me through the tough times. Everyone has such inspirational, and positive things to say.
I've had few interviews, mostly with temp agencies. I'm starting to think they are more trouble than they're worth. One offered me a job on the spot but it was an hour away, and with gas prices going up, there was no way I could afford it. Another called me to come in and I went through all the testing and stuff and they told me they didn't have anything for me at the time, but I should just keep checking back. So I just checked back this morning because it's been two weeks since, and the lady was snappy and she said "we're looking, but you need to be looking too." Well, what the hell do you think I've been doing lady! You at least have a job! And another had me come in because they might have some companies looking for an administrative assistant, said they would call in a day or two. When I didn't hear anything, I called them, and they tell me they're still waiting to hear from the companies.
I don't know, like H, I too am 26 and I feel there is no hope for the future.
Will it ever end?
Sun, 03/20/2011 - 13:37
#23
You are right Chuck
Hi Chuck:
Changing up your routine does help, it is like something "exciting" in spite of not having any FUN cash to spare.
And YES, YES - never compare yourself to others. I am now 52 and wish I knew this many years ago (lol). Be YOU and things will fall in place.
Great advice as usual Chuck.
Tue, 05/17/2011 - 15:27
#24
i read a lot of these post
i read a lot of these post and totally understand why people don't want to socialize. it's embarassing when people only ask you about your job when you don't have one. Or the first question they ask, are you keeping busy? Yes dude, I am busy, i am married, have twin girls, work my primary job, and 2 other side jobs to pay my bills and survive. Even if you have a job it's not easy, prices are going up. How is it that unemployment is so high, and gas prices are at all time high? That doesn't make sense. All I know is when I am at the point some of you are at, I hope I have enough strength to keep my head on straight and out of trouble.
Tue, 05/17/2011 - 15:32
#25
Good points
Hey Cash:
Not everyone socializes with folks that ask about their jobs (lol). But like Chuck stated, if they do, take a break from them if you don't want to discard them. When you are employed again, establish the connection.
Me personally, I choose who and when I will socialize. Right now I am about networking. If you don't have something to add to my list of finding a job, I have no use for you right now.
Glad to see you on board, welcome :)
Fri, 09/09/2011 - 12:40
#26
I joined a local meet up
I joined a local meet up group and it has proved to be a good outlet for me. I discovered quite a few members were unemployed professionals and it has been good to chat to people who are going through the same thing. I'm thinking about setting up an offshoot of low/no cost meets for the unemployed members.
As for the questions, yes they annoy me. The other day one of my supposedly close friends who found out I'd lost my job a couple of weeks ago flippantly snapped "So have you found another job yet or what?" like it was some sort of insignificant little self-made drama of mine. Naturally, she is someone who has never been unemployed and is in no danger of losing her permanent job. I get the feeling people like her think it is somehow your fault that you are unemployed. People can be so insensitive! I was very angry.
Mon, 09/12/2011 - 21:05
#27
That's so important
It's really important to get out there and connect with other people in the real world, especially people who can understand what you're enduring. Kudos to you for taking the initiative and doing that.
As for your friend and her flippant comment: "Forgive them for they know not what they do."
And don't be so sure that she's in no danger of losing her "permanent" job. Anybody with a job can lose it. Life is a marathon, not a sprint.
You can have a social life. You might need to find some new friends, but it is possible.
When life hands you sh*t, make fertilizer.