What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with this country! Growing up dirt poor and on welfare I started working at age 13. Why not? It was a great way to buy food and clothing plus help the family out at the same time. My grades were never the best but I got by. I joined the US Navy at 17 and spent a little over 5 years in Uncle Sam’s Navy.

This was the start of my American Dream. I got to see some of the world at least what you were able to see from our submarine. Every chance I got I went to school. I was taught in the Navy that knowledge was power and no matter what you do, pay attention to detail do every task, be it in school or work, as best as you can. Always give 150 percent. Following that I moved up the ranks rather quickly. The 27 tech schools I went to plus the BS I earned were great. I left the Navy to come home and help my family.

I got a good job as a Test Engineer with an Aerospace Company and met my Wife of 17 years. Things were great! We had three children and purchased our second home. I moved into a new job, a job in management. Wow, this American Dream is great! My children do not have to go hungry, they have good clothes, and they can go to a good school in the suburbs. They do not have to see crime or drugs. There are Christmas presents, and we can have family gatherings. These little things we sometimes take for granted were things as a child my parents could not afford. I finally broke the failure chain. What a dream! Things were looking great. I had a job offer as a Field Service Engineer traveling to Asia for work and things got better. Then the company moved to Ohio -- not a problem since I traveled 75% of the year I could work from home.

The Company then failed and my pay checks started to bounce. My expense checks started to bounce. Mismanagement and not understanding the customer or the product line was certain death. I left and went on my own. This was great. I had 20 years experience and am a very technical person so with laptop in hand I started working for myself. Wow, this must be a dream! Now I can make more money for my family, try to save for the kids' schooling. I’m my own boss and the master of my destiny. Now I no longer have to travel as much and can spend more time home. Being the Type A person I am, I could never stay home and rest so what to do, I opened a small antique shop. Things were really great. Work a few big jobs a year and run my small shop work on my marriage and spend time with my lovely wife and children. Those five years were great.

Then I woke up and each day the dreams started to get worse. No more filed service work and lower sales in my shop. I kept thinking things will get better but they did not! It got worse. What happened to my Dream? Am I destined to be broke and poor? What about my family? How can I provide? I closed my business and started to look for more service work. The problem was no one was making capital equipment. No one was buying equipment and no one was outsourcing their work. I figured now with 27 years experience and references from company presidents and vice presidents it would be easy to find a new job. I soon learned that my American Dream was becoming my American Nightmare.

I kept asking myself, "Why can’t I get hired?" I’m 45 years old, a veteran; I have an education and a good employment history. Maybe I am asking for too much money? Could it be the economy? I’ll ask for less then since I'm sure once an employer sees what I can do I'll move up fast just like I always have. Well. my job search has been going on for 14 months now and the Nightmare is here! Since there are so many unemployed now, businesses are looking for very specific job experience regardless of what you may have done in the past. Most employers get so many resumes that unless your past work history matches what they are looking for, that resume you just sent just ended up in a landfill.

The government states that unemployment is under 10%. I don’t think so! They did not count me or any other person like me. The self-employed who cannot collect unemployment benefits. The self-employed who had to pay very heavy federal and state taxes. Why can’t I collect I never collected before and for 27 years I paid my taxes. Now I know I should have paid an additional tax. Now that stinks for me. When I was paying my share of taxes did it not help out those who were in need? What a Nightmare! My American Nightmare! Who am I to think I can buck the system!

I should have remembered poverty breeds poverty! Stay in your caste. But this is America. We do not have caste systems here, or do we? Let me see... I'm a Caucasian male. I’m not a minority or am I? There are quotas based on sex and race and I fall into none of them. There are bailouts that help certain groups of people and bailouts for big business. I fall into none, when I saw things starting to go bad I asked my bank to refinance since I have a couple hundred thousand in equity in my home. I live on a lake and even with the housing boom my property value went up and not down. I wanted to consolidate my debt and pay it down and at the same time get a lower rate. Why not? Even with an equity loan my monthly payment would be $500 lower and with a lower rate. I got denied! Why not, my credit score was over 800. I thought this was good. The banks just got the TARP stimulus money and Uncle Sam said take this money and loan it!!! Well the banks made a ton of money buying each other out and with your tax dollars my tax dollars.

But wait since my sales were low my income was low, the bank did not think I could pay the lower monthly payment that I would have had to make. I was now a risk! This did not make sense to me. How could I afford to pay my mortgage every two weeks at a 7% rate if I could not pay it once a month and at a 4% rate? I explained my income was down due to the economy and by consolidating my debt it would put me in a safer position and not to lose what I have worked for all of these years. It did not matter.

Well I’m now broke! My two vehicles are due to be repossessed any day now and I am finding it hard to pay my mortgage. For the first time in my life I cannot get a job. My credit is now ruined and I found out I was passed up for a couple jobs due to my credit score. My American Dream is Now My American Nightmare. It’s sad to see what has happened to this once proud country of ours! I am too proud to accept welfare and only want a good job to support my family. I do not want my wife or children to have my childhood. What happened to my dream? Was it really a dream? I am starting to think the only hope for my family is my life insurance policy!

I just had to get this off of my chest. Good luck to everyone out there in the same sinking ship that I am on!

Mark.