The key to success: serving others.

Is it ironic or paradoxical that this is because people mainly care about themselves?

The smartest business advice I've ever gotten:

"Nobody gives a f*** about you."

Sorry, but that's the way it is. Hiring managers don't care about your shoeless children. Potential customers don't care how hard you work. All they care about is what you can deliver for them. As you build relationships with these people, they might come to adore your family or appreciate the fact that you burn the midnight oil for them, but when you first meet someone in any business capacity, they really don't care one whit about you.

Therefore, to be exceptional, to set yourself apart from the pack, you have to do two interrelated things:

1. Care about them.
2. Only tell them as much about yourself as they need to know to understand what you can do for them.

The best salespeople listen far more than they talk. When you go into a job interview or when you're cultivating a new client, make it all about them.

Let's say you picked up a bucket and a squeegee and decided to go out and wash windows at strip malls. Which approach will work better when you approach a shop owner:

"Hi, I'm Joe Schmo, the greatest window washer in the world."

or

"Hi, I was walking by outside and noticed that your windows are kind of smudgy."

The latter is much more likely to lead to a sale. Never underestimate the power of shame. People are self-obsessed. Use that. Be smart about it, though: You are there to solve their problem, not to humiliate them. If you approach it as someone on a mission to help people by cleaning their dirty windows, you'll enjoy far more success than if you approach it as a great window washer trying to get a gig.

That holds true for job interviews as well. Information is power. The more you can suss out about their organizational challenges, the better for you. If you really want to take control of an interview, start asking questions right away, as the hiring manager is introducing themselves and telling you about their business. Gently probe them before they get a chance to ask you a single question. Turn the inquisition into a conversation. You're there to solve their problems, not tell them about "where you see yourself in ten years." (One question I always liked to ask was, "Why are you hiring for this position?" If there was a revolving door before you, that's a red flag. If the business is trying to cope with growth, that's something you can work with.)

Again, approach it with the attitude that you are there to solve their problems. They need you more than you need them. Even if you're in a desperate situation, temporarily pull the wool over your own eyes and be the badass that you can be. They have a problem. Find out what it is, and offer your skills and experience as the solution.

What every interviewer and every potential customer is really asking is this:

What can you do for me?

Answer that for them.